I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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