Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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