Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
