have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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