You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
