she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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