I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
how does that bad decision feel?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
