I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
