Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
