We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
