pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Even my vagina gasped.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
