did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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