Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
