The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
