You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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