things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
