Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
