I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
only you would photoshop your dick
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
