Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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