Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
