Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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