I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
