I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize