Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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