After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
