Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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