I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
