Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
