I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
