can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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