With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
