His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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