the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize