nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
