OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We smell like vodka and hangover
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