when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize