the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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