my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
