I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
