Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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