Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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