call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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