Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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