As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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