He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
