Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
