ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
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My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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