so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
