dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
