Me too!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
