she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
