We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
