we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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