I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
