Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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