we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
