i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize