Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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