And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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