I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
