Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
