Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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