Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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