mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
