Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
