You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
